


The Boy With the Ocean in His Eyes

by AlyOopsie



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Death, Depression, Everyone is Rude, Langst, LetLanceFeelLoved2k17, Other, it pained me to write this, not entirely sure if the warnings are very very accurate but better safe than sorry, self harm mention, suicide?? not sure if it counts but i'm gonna put it anyway, there isn't really a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-23
Updated: 2017-05-23
Packaged: 2018-11-04 00:09:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10978263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlyOopsie/pseuds/AlyOopsie
Summary: Lance feels unappreciated by his teammates, and tries to get them to notice him more.





	The Boy With the Ocean in His Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> Just a few quick warnings:
> 
> This is angst, in case you didn't read the tags.  
> There is a self harm mention, and about a paragraph of descriptions for it.  
> There is death.
> 
> If you are uncomfortable with any of the above, please, do not read this.

It had been years since Lance had felt the urges to hurt himself. So far, he had been able to avoid doing it. Feelings of uselessness had been present since he was a child, and he always felt like nobody paid any attention to him or his actions. This didn’t necessarily change after he became part of Voltron. Sure, Blue would reassure him the he was needed, but it didn’t do a lot to boost his confidence in himself. So, he wore a mask every day. However, his mask of happiness fell away whenever he was alone, and he fell victim to bad thoughts.

Keith was Shiro’s favorite, and in an effort to try and get Shiro to notice him more, Lance had decided to try and act more like Keith. It wasn’t very hard for him; he had spent his childhood imitating people and things. He had once wanted to become an actor, but those days were gone. It was uncertain if they would ever return to Earth, so he didn’t want to hold on to unrealistic fantasies. Currently, his only goal was to become a more important member of Voltron, but even that might be unrealistic.

Lance spent more and more time training, and eventually had to spend time in the healing pods. He had pushed himself too hard, had been too reckless. When he had gotten out, everyone had been distracted. They were laughing and joking across the room, and Lance heard someone say, “Lance just can’t stay out of the pods, can he?” He had only wanted to have Shiro’s approval, but instead he got jokes made about him from the entire team.

Lance felt guilt dig its way deeper into him. He was always holding back the team. They were always waiting for _him_ to get out of the pods. They didn’t hear Lance get out of the pod and cross the room, didn’t hear the door open and close again. They were too busy laughing. He just wanted to be alone for now, and decided to go to his room. Maybe he would hang out with Kaltenecker, if she was in Lance’s room. She always seemed to cheer Lance up.

* * *

Two months later, the rest of the team had finally caught on to Lance trying to be like Keith. They told him that they would like him to ‘just be Lance’. Perhaps he _couldn’t_ be more than ‘Just Lance’ after all. 

Lance had also slowly stopped flirting. He tried to keep everything purely serious with Allura, because he wanted her to trust him more. She didn’t even notice that he had stopped flirting. Every time he opened his mouth, she would sigh and look annoyed. She would tell him to leave her alone and to stop flirting with her. No matter what he was going to tell her, her immediate response was always annoyance and an assumption that he was flirting.

Lance was tired of it. He was just so, so very _tired_ but he couldn’t sleep. At night, his thoughts ran around in his head, and voices whispered that he wasn’t good enough. Every day was a struggle to get out of bed, a struggle to face his teammates. He wanted to reach out to them. He wanted to tell them his fears and insecurities, but he was afraid they wouldn’t understand. So, he continued to hide behind his mask.

He found solace in cutting himself. He would try to do it in places that weren’t noticeable, but when he saw that the team didn’t care when the cuts _were_ seen, he just cut wherever. It didn’t matter anymore, they wouldn’t notice him anyway. Cutting himself gave him a sense of control over the pain he was feeling. The blade always seemed to whisper to him how it would help, how it would make him feel important again.

Hunk had confessed his sadness about not being able to see his family, and the team had comforted him. Lance had been about to say that he could relate, but he was shushed the moment he opened his mouth. They thought he was going to make a joke. He hadn’t made a joke since he had gotten out of that pod, two and a half months ago. That was also the time he stopped flirting with Allura.

They had a small April Fool’s Day celebration. Someone had locked Lance in the airlock for several hours. He could feel the space closing in on him, felt the panic rise in his chest. He couldn’t breathe. The fear that the door would be opened didn’t leave, not even after they let him out. They had told him to calm down, that it was just a joke. He had tried to laugh it off, but it sounded broken and hollow. The team didn’t even seem to notice a difference.

As long as he could remember, people had told him that his eyes looked like the ocean. They used to be bright, fully of happiness and a love for life, like the sea on a sunny day. Now, they were dark, that shimmer of happiness gone. When he looked at his eyes in a mirror, he was reminded of the sea during a storm, with the waves crashing, threatening to spill over and onto his cheeks.

They had gone to a planet that was practically a twin of Earth. It had vast oceans, mountain ranges, plains, volcanoes, and deserts. They had visited the ocean. The water was warm and welcoming, beckoning to Lance to get in and swim around. It promised he was needed there. They had been informed that the ocean was unforgiving and harsh, it would suck you in and you wouldn’t be able to get back out unless it wanted you to get out.

Nobody had noticed Lance answering the ocean’s call until it was too late; he was knee deep in the water. He heard Coran shout his name, he heard Pidge and Hunk trying to get him to come back. He could hear Keith, Shiro, and Allura frantically shouting for him.

He turned to look at them. They had finally noticed him! They wanted him!

Just as he was starting to walk back to them, joy evident on his face, a wave crashed over him. It pulled him under, and the last thing he saw before the water pulled him deeper and deeper was the horror and grief stricken faces of his teammates. He saw one or two running towards him, but he couldn’t make out who. He loved his teammates, even if they didn’t love him back. His teammates, who had noticed him too late.

The boy who has the ocean in his eyes now drowns in it.

**Author's Note:**

> [ hmu on tumblr ](https://writing-at-dawn-until-dark.tumblr.com/)  
>  Feel free to message me any time if you would like to talk about anything!  
> This was inspired by a bunch of writing prompts and my own past problems.  
> For the prompts: [ here ](https://promptsforvoltron.tumblr.com/post/158656526543/langst-prompts) and [ here ](http://v-ld.tumblr.com/post/159432591870/langst-prompts-and-quotes)


End file.
